I just got back from a walk. No cellphone, no earbuds. Just on a walk. It’s been awhile, and despite that fact, my feet knew exactly what direction to go in. I have walked my neighbourhood hundreds of times, almost of them with my Irish Setter, Snickers. I am coming up on a year without her, and today hit me like a freight train. She was my anchor. The first thing I tended to in the morning, and the first thing I saw when I walked into my apartment after work. My life hasn’t been the same without her. She was my tether. And now, in the midst of a life transition, I miss her more than ever. What I wouldn’t give to feel her familiar face, now that so many of the things of the last decade feel strange and unfamiliar.
Tonight, I cried for the first time in months, despite feeling like there have been plenty of good reasons to cry. I can hear the sound of her collar. I can smell the top of her head. A vividness I thought was totally gone. But just like so many times walking with her, the quiet walk turned down the volume long enough, so I could hear my own voice again. And I couldn’t stop thinking about my sweet girl, and how much I miss the simplicity of our walks.